If you've worked in a company, a
government organization or an academic institution, you know about
unavoidable meetings. Whether they were daily, weekly or monthly, you
attended and occasionally found yourself in the limelight.
At times
you were prepared; but at others you just weren't ready for the questions
or comments you were expected to respond to. Despite your efforts to
arrange for more time for a considered response, there was always someone
pushing for immediate input. You knew that if you delayed, you only
subjected yourself to scorn.
Something similar happens when you're
asked to make an impromptu speech without any preparation or when you're
caught off guard by a telephone call from someone insisting on immediate
answers. The demands for instant responses have led to more cases of
serious stress than most people realize.
The reason why "Stress
Management" has become a major service business can be attributed to the
demands most of us have faced to get something done within certain time
limits.
To ward off stress, some of us have managed to put some
distance between ourselves and those we serve. We even make it clear that
our efficiency is due to careful organization of our time and, therefore,
we need deadlines set far enough in advance that we can meet them
effectively.
We've even gone so far
as to convince our correspondents to email us rather
than phoning or
meeting in person. Responses to a phone call or meeting at a time when
you're still half asleep will never be as lucid or useful as those made by
email, after you've had time to mull the matter over with a cup of
coffee.
Which explains why, in this day and age of instant
messaging, I prefer email. Instant messaging may be necessary for extended
discussions online, but email allows some time for reflection. Having said
that, there are times when instant messaging serves a useful
purpose.
Instant messaging has some advantages worth considering
and some disadvantages as well. I'm referring to the type of instant
messaging between two or more people using PC's and special programs
designed for instant messaging and not the type done on cell
phones.
SMS messaging seldom demands an immediate response and
doesn't often cause stress. You can always shut your cell phone down if a
bully or a disgruntled admirer plagues you.
The type of instant
messaging done on computers involves the use of one of a number of
software programs. That alone has been the source of some inconvenience.
One friend uses AIM, another uses Yahoo Messenger; and unless friends or
business associates agree on one, several programs are necessary to keep
up with different users.
Four services rank among the favorites for instant messaging. All are free. They include AOL's AIM, Microsoft's
MSN Messenger, ICQ (short for I seek you) and Yahoo's Messenger. At least
three claim to provide instant contact with the greatest number of
Internet users, and they all claim to be the best.
An instant message program allows
two or more people to talk without waiting for email. They usually have a
split screen box, where messages are passed back and forth. Some of these
programs allow you to see what the person is writing as they are writing
it.
Instant messaging services are fairly simple to operate.
Several of the programs allow you to leave a message so that when the
recipient signs on, they see the message you left. Others will tell you
that the recipient is not available, and no message can be left at that
time.
For real time conversations with friends or family,
instant messages can be useful. They allow the sender and recipient to
communicate faster than email and cheaper than by telephone. When there
are more than two people involved, most programs allow you to add someone
to the conversation, similar to a conference call.
You can do many things
with the message program besides just chat or
discuss business. It can be
used to transfer files or to send photos. You can run the program and
still access your email or surf the Internet at the same time.
The
distaff side includes the dangers of Trojans and viruses and of personal
information getting broadcast to unsavory people who may misuse it.
Viruses can be passed easily when you accept files. This can happen even
with friends who are unaware that the files have been
infected.
Most programs ask for a profile of the user. You need to
be careful not to give out personal information. Choose an ID and keep
your real name, phone number and email address private. If you need to
provide an email address, create a special account at a free email service
like Yahoo or Hotmail.
Check out the pros and cons of each of the
programs at their sites and by downloading them and trying them out. AIM
is available for downloading from AOL
where you'll also see illustrated
images of what the program looks like on a monitor.
Visit MSN
to read about and download
MSN's Messenger. Microsoft, the same company that developed Windows, MS
Office and who bought and run Hotmail, provides this
service.
ICQ is available for download in
19 different languages, including Arabic. One unpleasant thing about ICQ is
that they change your Home page to their website without asking when you
install the program.
Yahoo Messenger appeals to those who like its
emoticons. When you're chatting
with a friend, you can send them a graphic to show them how you're
feeling. These graphics are called "emoticons" because they enhance your
words with emotions.
For those who often feel the need to give some
thought to what you say, it's a good idea to ask the person you're instant
messaging with to give you some time for reflection. Once you've thought
about your response, you can continue your exchange by email.
Email also offers some
great opportunities for real communication that don't exist with snail
mail; and also offers improvements over the instant message when you learn
how to respond effectively to an email message.
Not much real
communication takes place with snail mail. You write to a friend or
relative with your news at the time of writing. Some time later--a week or
a month--the friend or relative writes to you with his or her news at the
time of writing.
Even if there's a comment about something
you wrote, it's mixed in with the rest of the letter and doesn't really
seem to invite more discussion. Thus, matters that might deserve
discussion at length get dropped.
With email, the message that
you're responding to can be broken up paragraph by paragraph or sentence
by sentence if necessary, making it possible for you to respond to
anything that your correspondent writes.
This is the usual
family letter:
Dear Josie,
How
are you? We're all fine, except Billy Joe's got a cold. She bit
amber's ear last week and the vet had to take three stitches.
We're going to Disney World next week. Have you ever been there?
Wish you could come with us. Mom says hi and don't forget to keep
up with your studies. Gotta go now. Take care. Love, Sis
|
Instead of the
ordinary response with Josie's news, an email from Josie could look like
this:
Dear
Sis,
>Dear Josie,
>How are you?
I haven't
been getting much sleep lately. Too much
studying.
>We're all fine, except Billy Joe's got a
cold.
Is she taking her vitamins?
> She bit
amber's ear last week and the vet had to take three
stitches.
Poor Amber. I hope Mom bit Billy Jo's ear so
she'd know what it feels like.
|
…and so forth,
carrying on a meaningful dialogue. Everything Josie said can be commented
on, making their communication interactive, avoiding the need for long
distance phone calls or instant messaging to interact.
The appeal
of instant messaging has been similar to that of the phone call. It's
possible to keep exchanging feedback on a single topic or thread.
Strangely enough, not many people have learned to bring this kind of
interactivity into their email messages.
When this kind of
responsiveness becomes a part of your email, it combines the advantages of
real communication found in instant messaging with the advantage that
email provides for reflective thinking before
answering.
